I need you too
by imagination writings
Summary: we all know that mrs knight is the overprotective carring mother right? well who would have thought that she forgets her real and only son and leave him in the dark (not good at summeries but the story is much better). please enjoy xxx
1. Chapter 1

**I need you to.**

**HEEEEEYYY fanfic readers and rushers :) this is my first fic so please go easy on me i hope you all enjoy the story.**

**disclaimer : sadly i do not own btr.**

**-xxxxxx- enjoy**

**chapter 1 **

mrs knight's pov

"guys wear your coat's " i said "mrs knight may i remind you that we live in California, Los Angeles as in almost THE hottest place on earth" james protested "yes but it's raining like crazy out side- boom and they were gone already "don't break my door the next time"

Kendall's pov

"okay guys it was fun playing in the rain for two hours straight but we're all soaking wet now so i say we head back and chill in the crib? "okay" all three said i chuckled to myself i have amazing friends.

mrs knight pov

"HAAAACHUUUU" i looked up over my book "who was that?" "me" Carlos said "HACHUU" that was James "HAAACHUUU, HAACCCHUUU, HAACHUUU" that was Carlos, James and Logan."See i told you and now you're sick" i sighed "okay... up to bed all of you...NOW"i said in a dangerously low voice i didn't even blink once and poof they were gone 'wow' i thought.

(next morning) still mrs knight pov

I hit the alarm button and soon as it went off i was already awake, well actually i did not even sleep at all, it was from James to logan to carlos and buckets and the whole night went like that.

so i better start the day i thought, i went up to carlos' and logan's room and woke them up "come on gus wake up you can sleep again on the couch" i said "ughh" they both groaned "JAMES GO LAY DOWN ON THE COUCH" i yelled to the other door, so ten minutes later all three boys were fast asleep on the couch and i was making them chicken soup as my real and only son came in "make your own breakfast today"i said "KATIE GET OFF THAT COUCH YOU'LL GET SICK TO" 'yes mom" Kendall walked out the door without breakfast but i have better things to do-KATIE WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU JUST A SECOND AGO?" "to not sit on the couch? "uhuh" i nodded.

The whole afternoon and evening went like this: "mrs knight i'm cold," i'm gonna be sick" "i am hot" "BUCKET" i need a tissue" "hungry" "BUCKET" "Oops i missed the bucket". And now at 21:59 pm i'm half dying in my bed i'm dead tired and i have this feeling that i forgot something... something very important, wait let me make a check list

temperature ...check

medicine...check

feed logan,james,carlos...check

feed katie...check

tucked them in...check

goodnight kiss...check

well if it was important i woukd have remembered right?... well goodnight.

kendall's pov

okay so my mom was sort of rude to me today she said "go make your own breakfast today"in a snappy kind of way then she didn't call me once didn't make lunch or dinner ... wait i'm lying she DID make lunch and dinner just not for me but maybe i'm just overreacting.

(that night) mrs knight pov

"uhuhuhu" "momma knight" "BUCKET" OH MY GOD all three boys are yelling something

oh sweet jezus help me... i'm going crazyyyyy.

i gave james a damn BUCKET, carlos a teddy bear and logan his cough medicine an- AAAACCCHCUUUUU" wait did i hear a sneeze oohno i so told katie to not sit next t these three boys. "KATIE DI-" "I KNOW MOM" good at least she knows that is her own fault.

After checking her temperature and things i went back to my own room for hopefully tho hours of sleep before starting the day all over again.

**So what do you guys think? like it or hate let me know and if i made mistakes please help me correct them and review:) oohh and i will update verry soon.**

**xxxx.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys **

**i hope you enjoyed the first chapter and here is the second. :)**

**Disclaimer : i do not own btr.**

**xxxxxx enjoy **

kendall's pov

i woke up at 09:47 am and everybody was up already, th guys and katie were resting on the couch and my mom was busy taking care of them. "mom" i said she didn't hear me "mom" i tried a little harder this time but nothing again, why didn't she look at me or the guys why don't they tell my mom that i'm trying to talk to her.

i walked out the apartment making sure to slam the door. feeling a little hurt i walked to rocque records to record my parts.

kelly's pov

Kendall came in alone "hey sweetie"i said he just nodded "what's wrong" i asked "nothing just a little stressed about work i guess" well he has a point the guys haven't had a break in like forever "honey go take the week off no two weeks i'll talk to gustavo" he smiled and gave me a hug ooohh how i love those boys.

kendall's pov

kelly gave me no us two weeks of, normally i would have gone back to the crib but i don't feel like going home right now and nobody would have noticed me anyway so i just walk to the beach with my headphones in have i ever told you that i love to walk on the beach it's so relaxing and it has this power to make you think like really think about making the right desiciouns so i sat down on the sand and watched the sunset.

(3 hours later)

i woke up and it;s 00:33 am now... OMG i just fell asleep on the beach, i cehcked my Phone and guess what no missed calls nor texts messages, it sort of hurts knowing that your once overprotective mom is taking care of your three best buds and little sister and not noticing you anymore and she probably coulnd't care any less about you i mean i'm her real and only son and now here i am somewhere on the beach, well i think it's the beach i've been walking for some time now and it's really dark i can't see anything.

(half an hour later)

i finally made it home everybody was asleep so i quietly went to my bedroom which i share with james.

(the next mornimg)still kendall's pov

i woke up at 10:01 am so i walked to my closet got some clothes that i wanted to wear that day and went tot take a shower, after the shower i walked into the kitchen and i saw that they had breakfast without me, i sighed and grabbed an apple and walked out the door and once again slammed it hard.

camille's pov that night

it's been almost 4 days now and i haven't seen any of the guys except for kendall but he just runs away everytime that i call out to him and i have tried to call the other guys on their cellphones but they don;t pick up and i walked to their apartment to but noone answers th edoor either soo i'm gettig a litte worried but let's hope that everything is fine.-possitive energy-

next morning kendall's pov

5 days it's been 5 freaking days since my mom looked me in the eye, 5 days since katie said something to me and it's been 5 damn days since any of the guys have noticed me. nobody knows im still here an- oh i have a tip for all of you who think they're fat wich you shouldn't think but anyways i have lost 7,5 kilo's in 5 days wanna know how well i simply didn't eat because this whole thing has gotten me depressed and i don't even bother to eat anymore the only thing i have eaten is that apple A DAMN APPLE and water that's all for crying out loud.

i always had a little underweight but the doctors said it was normal and i'm pretty fit i have big muscles and i have sixpack so i'm simply muscular but now i'm getting anorexia or what ever it's called and now that i know what it is i'll pray for these who have it but anyway you wanna know how my day goes well it's from 3 to 4 hours in the gym so i james ever notice me again he will be jealous i have more muscles than him now, after the gym i go to the beach swim a little and watch the sun leaving me all alone in the dark, then between 00:00 and 01:00 i go back to the crib but today or night actually i won't go home i'm gonna call the person that you won't expect.

**I hope you like it, and please let me know what you think.**

**xxxxxx see you next time. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Heelllooo ;) here i am again i hope you guys like the story **

**and thak you all for al the reviews and LillViolinist you're right thanks for telling me i hadn't thought of that before soo i have changed the anorexia parts a little thanks agai for telling me **

**ooh and if any of you are twilight fans my bff has a story called 'my depressing love' so if you are a fan then give it a try and please forgive me for my grammar mistakes i'm not really good at that.**

**Disclaimer : i do not own anything .**

**-xxx- enjoy**

kendall pov

00:57 am

ring ring ri-"what who the hell are you and what the hell do you want"?! ..."uhm g gustavo may i sleep in your mansion tonight?" i asked "WHY I THOUGHT I PAYED FOR AN APARTMENT FOR YOU GUYS ISN'T THAT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?" " no i mean yes but it's complicated please i'll tell you everything but i'm freezing even in la are night's still cold . "uugh okay but you better be here quick cause i won't be up for long " "okay and uhhm ... gustavo? "WHAT" thank you" oh uh your welcome i guess now hurry up.

wow i never would have thought thst gustavo would let me stay in his mansion so after a 15/20 minutes walk i made it to this big mansion that i once mansionsitted. "KNOCK KNOCK" the door opened and a verry tired looking gustavo stood there ... well you oming in or what? "ooh yeah thanks"i said gustavo sent me to his 10.000,- dollar couch and grabbed two red bull's and handed one to me "here"i accepted it glady i was beyond tired and hoped that this would keep me awake a little longer cause obviously gustavo wasn't done . "now explain"he said oh yeah that is what i'm here for isn't it ? ÿes now tell me" i sighed "well i got sort of kicked out of the crib by my mom the guys and katie- "WHAT" wait they didn't officially kick me out they just caused me to leave the crib "how"well since the guys and katie fell ill they everybody has ignored me they won't look at me talk to me or even notice me tha last thing my mom said to me was "GO MAKE YOUR OWN BREAKFAST" in a way like she was mad at me for something , and now i feel like they don't want me anymore and don't love me anymore to" i felt the tears in my eyes but i refused to let them fall.

"i understand but it is not the end of the world you know" i was surprised at "i understand " "how would you understand you don't understand love, you hate everything and everybody "i said

"listen dog-kendall i wasn't born full with hate you know people made me hate everything and everybody the same happened to me the only difference is that i WAS officially kicked out of the house and by the way i don't really hate everything and everybody you think i would have let you in if i didn't care about you and the guys?" "y-you care about me?" ofcourse you are like the sons i never had but i just can't deal with my emotion but i want you to know that i do care about you and so does your mama and friends, katie and kelly and many more people., but that's enough for tonight up to bed you i need my 8 hours of evil producer sleep and you sleep in the guest room up the stairs on you right. i chuckled to myself some need their 8 hours of beauty sleep, some 8 hours just because otherwise they get snppy and others to be an evil producer. i walked op to my room and took off my shoes and socks and shoved them under the bed then i took off my shirt but i will keep my pants on i mean you never know right?

mrs kngiht pov

i'm still up at 02:17 am with a carlos playing hardball "carlos you open that mouth of yours right now or otherwise i'll give that teddybear to katie "NO" he screemed i smiled that was all i needed i quickly shoved the themometer under his tongue "HEEY" "shht do not open your mouth untill it beeps ... beep beep i took the thermometer out 102.0 okay your fever is a little lower so that's good now you go to sleep goodnight i kissed his forehead went over to logan's bed and gave him a goednight kiss too i then turned off the light and went into james's room and kissed his temple an di got this weird feeling like something was missing in here... but i'm way too tired right now so i don't care i'll thnk about it in the morning or something , i got to my and katie's room and gave her a goodnight kiss too and laid back in my own bed "aaaahhhh this feels like heaven ooh i love my bed" i turned over turned the licht off and closed my eyes.

gustavo's pov next morning

i was awake for about an hour now and i was trying to decide if i should go and check on kendall cause i seemed like it was really upsetting him okay i made my choice i just go in there and then see what to do next easy right ooh hell this is really hard trying to be nice. i finally made it up to his room and went in i frowned at what i saw a verry tired looking kendall was spread all over the bed even thugh he was asleep you could still see an exhausted young teenager. it made me sad to know that a great woman like her can forget about her child like that i mean she is always the one who wouldn't let anybody touch her children. kendall and i are a lot like each other but with kendall it will be alright again i'm going to send him back home in a couple of days but i'll just let him havea break from the whole palmwoods and i have to try and get him to eat something cause the way he looks like right now tells me that he hasn't eaten much, i left his room and sat down on the couch "MONTEY" i called and mt hairless cat jumped on my lap and we watched spongebob together ... yeah i know my cat loves spongebob and so do i cause i am gustavo rocque i'm amazing I'M AMAZI- wait why am i yelling to nobody?

**I hope you liked it. xxxxx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Heey guys i'm sorryfor the late update but i was busy with school so i had no time time to write it down but now i'm here with the new update so enjoy **

**oh and thank you to aal my readers and reviewers fas and followers it really means a lot to me. (and please excuse my mistakes)**

**Disclaimer : i do not own anything.**

kendall's pov

I woke up at ... 11:13 am wauw i thought i never sleep till this late but whatever i got up and went to the kitchen to find gustavo there doing the dishes "hey gustavo what are you doing?" i asked "the dishes don't you see?" "i see i just never expected to see you do something like that but i respect it and think it's great that you do" "yeah thanks if you wanna shower, then go up the stairs second door on your left" "okay thanks" i said i walked up to his bathroom and was shocked this is soo cool this bathroom is th size of my bedroom back in Minnesota and that was a really big room. i showered (no need for details) and had put on my boxers and shorts then i saw something in the corner of my eye it was a blade i know it's wrong but i have red once in a book that it feels like the weight of the world disappearse from your shoulder so why not try right you know what people say 'try before you die' so i took the blade in to my hands and was trying to figure out where to cut i mean it's sooo hot right now to walk around in a long sleeved shirt so somewhere that others can't see "my lower abdomen should work right" i asked my self "right" i answered myself i slowly brought the blade to right side of my stomach under my bellybutton and slid the blade gently over my skin "aaahhh" i said out loud that feels incredible i made another line and another and after watching the blood drip a little i stopped and washed the cuts and the blade and took in with me after putting my shirt on and i walked into the kitchen "what do you wanna eat"asked gustavo i don't feel like eating but that would only make everything worse so i said "eggs or something" "okay eggs it is then" so we sat down and eat our breakfast "wanna play golf with me in the backyar?" i chocked on my glass of milk "golf?" "how big is your yard?" "really big now do you wanna play or not "ooh yeah i do but may i call kelly too and ask her to join us?" "yes" "okay i'm gonna call her now then ring ring rin- "hello" hey kelly do you wanna play golf with gustavo and me?" "yes í do ee you in ten bye" after ten minutes kelly arrived and we all had changed into shorts and sleeveless shirts and then started the game and after playing for two and a half hours kelly started comlaining about gustavo and i not playing fair and gustavo said "neat kelly noone cares" i chuckled and she glared at me we went back inside cleaned our selfs up and sat on the couch and chilled a little and then it was 19: 34 and we decided to watch a scary movie and order some food we ordered three pizza's and we watched jeepers creepers 2 and kelly almost sat on top of me and gustavo too wauw i thought i think they don't watch scary movies verry often. then it ended and i went back to my 'room' and sat on my bed after taking my shirt off i took the blade again and made two line above the other three when someone knocked on my door ooh shit i quickly threw my shirt on and then did as if i was sleeping and felt the bed sink a little and felt a tiny soft hand in my hair okay that was definitely kelly she stroked my hair back and then gave me a kiss on my forehead i felt like i could cry right there it reminded me so much of my mama and i don't care what people say but i am sodesperate for my mama now that i just call her mama and i'm proud to call her that even thpugh that she obviously isn't proud of me wait i gotta stop think about that right now cause it's really hard to hold my tears and i cant let them fall soo think of happy things ..kittens like carlos Always says.. oh how i missed him too and no there it goes again stop thinking just let sleep take you away just focus on kelly's hand i was almost asleep when i heard kelly whisper "poor baby" wait had gustavo told her about what happened well we'll see that tomorrow i'm tired now so goodnight.

katie's pov

i laid in my moms bed tonight cause i have a feeling like something's isn't correct i asked the guys if they had that too and they told me yes thay said that is was that lightning the wonder dog had a movie roll and went to holland i just said that that was probably it but deep inside i know it's something else that's when my mom came in "sweety why are you in my bed" "i couldn't sleep in my own bed"i aswered "well if you're in my bed then come here and cuddle up with me" i smiled and hugged my mom and laid in her embrace and then asked "mom do you have a empty feeling too?" "you have it too?" i nodded "i have it too but i just can't figure out what it is and it's driving me crazy""yeah me too but if you know what it is will you tell me"? i asked "ofcourse baby now sleep" she said and kissed my hair i did as i was told and fell asleep in no time.

mrs knight's pov

okay katie's fever broke and logan's almost soo it was still a chaos but i love the boys and katie so i do it with love speaking about katie she just asked me about an empty feeling she has it too and it was making me worried even more cause it's been almost two week and i still couldn't figure out what is was caue it was from one boy to the other to katie and hospital and doctor and boys and katie's and like a big time chaos but what if it was really important i really gotta figure out what it is i looked at my beaitifull princess then turned around and saw a picture of us is it something about that picture... no it's not well i'm gonna sleep so goodnight

kendall's pov

kelly had left and i saw that my shirt had a little red on it so i quietly made my way over to the gardrobe that was in this room and found another shirt and took mine off and thought if i shoould cut one ore or not oh hell i'm gonna do it i made two more cuts then cleaned it and put the blade in my shoe and put the shirt i had found out okay why the hell did i have to try to cut now i'm addicted to it me with my stupid head but i'll deal with it tomorrow goodnight everybody.

**so what do you think ?.**

**xxx till next time.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Heelloo guys i have the new chapter so i'll just shut up and let you enjoy.**

**ooh wait first thank you all for your reviews and follows favs and readers.**

**and i want to thank my bff for the support and all i love you xxxxxxxx.**

**Disclaimer: i do not own anything.**

mrs knight pov

i woke up at 07:34 am uurgh another day with that empty feeling which i can't figure put what it is, i got out of my bed and walked to my closet got some clothes and walked to the bathroom and took my shower (again no need for details) when i was done showering i put my clothes on and walked to the kitchen and started making breakfast for katie and the guys.

kendall's pov

'wauw' that's how i felt when i woke up this morning i now understand the people that cut it gives you this feeling like everthying is alright it gives you something to get your mind off of all those stressing things, i stood up got the blade and walked to the bathroom i stepped in the shower and took the blade in my hands brought it to my lower abdomen again but on the left side this time and gently slid the blade over my skin just like yesterday and watched the blood slidding down my body and mix with the water on the ground then another one and then thought about where else i could do it my sides wouldn't be a problem right? so i got the blade to my right side and slid the blade once again over my skin then washed the blade and my cuts then stepped put of the shower and dried myself off wrapped the towel around my waist and walked to my 'room' put on my clothes and walked to the kitchen breakfast was ready so i sat down on a chair and gustavo and kelly came too kelly sat next to me and gustavo across from me and we ate well i asked for cereal and they gave me a weird look but gave it to me anyway i couldn't blame them with a breakfast like this who would ask for cereal but it was the only thing that i think i can take "i wanna swim what do you guys say?" kelly asked SHIT i thought to myself please say no please "yeah awesome idea"said gustavo ooooh shit i gotta come up with something quick think think "well kendall what do you think?" "uuh yeah sounds like fun"she smiled stupid, stupid now look what you have gotten yourself into now how are you gonna hide these cuts idiot why did you say yes "-g -og dog" "huh what" "what's the matter" ooh uh nothing just thinking but it's nothing important" "okay if you say so".

mrs knight's pov

okay breakfast is ready so i can wake the guys and katie up i went to wake katie first i sat on her bed and kissed her forehead and then said "katie, sweetie wake up" "hmm"? "wake up i repeated "urgh kay coming" "and wake james up for me please" i walked to carlos and logan's shared bedroom and shook logan's shoulder he opened his eyes sat up looked around and went to the kitchen i then turned to carlos he was difficult when it comes to waking up soo i said "OOH NOO HELMET WHY YOU YOU WERE SO YO-" i was interrupted by carlos screaming "NOO WHAT HAPPENED" and his hand shot up to his head "nothing has happened to helm- ooh you wanted to wake me ooh hahaha HEY GUYS DON'T START EATING WITHOUT ME" he screamed i laughed to myself ooh i love these guys so so much.

( 5 days later)

gustavo's pov

it's gonna be a hard night i'm gonna tell kendall that he has to go home and try to figure this situation out even though i really gonna miss hi now cause it i a whole different thing when you have a kid in house i can understand all those parents now even though kendall is not mine it still gives you a lovingly feeling. knock knock "come in" i heard kendall say "hey kid listen we gotts talk" i sat down on his bed "i think it would be good if you go home tonight and try to get everything to how it was"'his answer surprised me "yeah i think you're right and i miss them so much maybe they have noticed me too ...well notice that i'm gone" "okay then it's 18:09 pm now so before it get's to dark i think you shoud go like now" "yeah okay" he grabbed his shoes and we walked together to the front door 'i will give you your clothes when i've washed them and remember this is you second house now your get-away-from-everything house okay and remember that i only do it for you i do love th eother dog's but you're different to me we're like each other a lot so if you need somebody to understand you my door is Always open for you okay?" "yes... thank you so much gustavo'and i was shocked at his next move he hugged me i hugged him back, gosh is this how it feels to have i child who you love so much that you would give everything up for them how would mrs knight feel to own everything kendall is like his hair his eyes his heart or simply him ahe is the only one who can say that he is truely hers cause whether he likes it or not he is her child and nothing can change that so she better be normal again or else. (remember that griffing with his 'yo blow' or something) he let go of me and i saw some tears "sorry i just ... i missed hugges like these that only good parrents can give and thanks again gustavo see you whenever you call me again bye.

mrs knight's pov

HAHAHAHA yeah we're watching ice age 4 and carlos's was laughing because of sid's stupidity and can you believe it i still don't know what

know what that feeling is "HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA i wish kendall was here HAHAHAAHAD- "the laughing stopped and everybody was shocked "OOOH MY GOOOOOD MY KENDALL MY BABY WHERE IS MY BABY I AM A TERRIBLE MOTHER" i was crying that was that empty feeling how have i let it come this far i forgot my baby my one and only son i took care of his friends and katie but i totally forgot him what if something has happened to him what if a car had hit him where did he stay at what has he eaten he is difficult with eating he doesn;t eat everything he already had underweight OOH MY GOD " I'LL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF" "how did we forgot kendall he is our brother he would never forget us but look what we have done"said james "carlos and katie are crying and logan was still shocked " i'm gonna call him" i said ring ring ring ring ring "hey kendall here i'm sorry i missed your call i'm probably busy leave a message and i'll try to call tou back" i hung up threw my Phone across the room and started crying again ËVERYBODY GO LOOK FOR KENDALL NOW" they were all gone baby please be okay please momma is begging you i'll die if something has happened to you.

( 3 hours later)

"NO NO NO NO I WANT MY KENDALL BACK I WANT MY BABY" i wa drowning in my own tears "mom?" i heard katie call but i'm not in the mood 'to bed all of you right now"i said in a low cracking voice my baby is missing for who knows how long and there is no messing around with me right now.

kendall's pov

it is 23:58 pm now ,i know it's not that long from gustavo's to the palmwoods but i first wanted to walk a little before going to the crib but now i wish i had gone straight to the crib cause there was Wayne wayne or walley or whatever with hi little group "well well well look who is there" he said "little kendall knight i'm gonna make you pay for putting me in a banana show" he said "go" he said to the group and they beat me up after 15 minutes of beating he said "there that's what you get for what you did to me" even though i was in a hell of pain i chuckled and said "you have put yourself into that walley the towel boy" "WHAT" he punched me hit me and then left i was to weak right now so i let blackness take me to whereever it had planned to take me.

mrs knight's pov

the guys and katie were in bed and i sat on the couch thinking where my baby could be if he is hurt and GOD i am not gonna sit here and wait for a phone call that he is somewhere in a hospital i'm going to find him tonight i grabbed my car keys left a sticky note for the guys and katie if they looking for me and i went out still crying i was driving for about an hour now and still nothing but i won't give up and- wait what is that there is someone lying passed out on the ground in an alleway o got out of my car and walked to the person and i gasped that is kendall "OH MY GOD oh my god kendall" i kneeled beside him and took his head in my lap i started sobbing again he was beaten up he was covered in blood 'baby, baby wake up momma's here kendall come on i whispered i ran my hand through his hair oh my god he has gotten muscular then before but he has lost weight 'baby'i tried again i laid my finger on his neck to check for a pulse and to my relief it was a strong one "i kissed his hair and then he began to whimper "baby come on wake up you can do it please i'm begging you, momma's begging you" "momma?"he asked "yes baby i'm here and i'm never letting you again can you stand up baby i wanna take you home and take care of these wounds" he verry slowly with my help stood up once he stood he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me i hugged him back i felt him wince but he didn't pull away "i missed you so much" he whispered to me he was crying it broke my heart that he ever had to say that to me that i wasn't in his live for so long that he had to tell me that he had missed me soo much that h ignored the pain he was in and hugged me. "come on" i helped him into the car and we drove home i grabbed his hand and walked him up to 2j i laid him gently on the couch and went to get a wet washcloth to clean those cuts on his face and arms i came back and sat down next to his lying form "baby this may sting a little" he nodded and i started cleaning i winced everytime when he winced i can't stand to se my babay in pain once i was done i said " come on baby to my room i haven't seen you in so long i wanna cuddle up with you ( in a mother and son way) and sleep" he nodded again and went to get his red basketball shorts and white shirt and lied next to me thank god that i had bought a king size bed even though i have no man i still want a big bed. kendall's back was facing me so i wrapped my arm around him and pulled him close to me i snuggled my nose in his soft blonde hair and listened to my green-eyed angel's breathing.

(next morning) still mrs knight's pov

i woke up at 07: 07 am i looked over and saw that kendall had rolled over and was now lying on his back with one arm above his head and the other one next to him his shirt had ridden up a little so that the sking from his waistband to a little under his bellybutton i wanted to smile but something stopped me from doing so what were these lines were those cuts? ohno please no and it wasn't only one cut there were more i gently as possible trying not to wake him pushed his shirt up a little higher and if he wasn't sleeping i would have gasped there are like 10 to 15 of thos cuts but what if there are more i verry gently traced every single cut with my finger and kissed them oh my god what have i done i'm pretty sure that he has done it because we forgot about him my thoughts were interrupted when i felt kendall stir i quickly pulled his shirt back down and pretended that i woke up just now and yawned "morning" i said "morning" he said i smiled down at him and wrapped my arms around him again and hugged him close to me while thinking this isn't over yet i will find out and make it stop but before i talk about it with him i gotta figure out how bad and how many without him knowing ... i know what you think how are you gonna do that without him knowing well you just gotta wait and see " hey baby wanna surpise the guys and katie they were really worked up" i asked he nodded and hugged me again and whispered "i love you momma" "i love you too baby and please forgive me i'm so so sorry i'll never forgive myself and please don't ever forget that i love you so so so much baby" he smiled and i smiled back.

**Done :( but i'll try to update verry soon and was it good or bad let me know **

**xxxxx.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note**

**heeey guys thank you for your reviews and thanks for helping me with some things i have noticed too that i'm rushing this story so i tried to put some details into this chapter i know it's still not good but i'm working on it soo no worries :) **

**and again thank you so so much for reading and reviewing it means so much to me i love you all.**

**Disclaimer : sadly i do not own btr or anything else though i wished that kendall was mine. enjoy**

kendall's pov

my mom put her hands on my back and pushed me out of her room and walked me to the couch and pushed me down to sit, she kept looking at me for a little and then hugged me close, she ran her fingers through my blonde hair and whispered "i love you" i smiled at her and said back "i love you too" then she yelled "JAMES, CARLOS, LOGAN & KATIE GET IN HERE NOOOOWWWW" then she sat next to me when we heard a sigh and saw james walking into the room muttering "morning momma knight morning kendall" and plopped down on the couch, i turned to my mom and she turned to me and we smiled at each other knowing it would take no more then five seconds for james to realise that i'm there sitting next to him 1...2...3...4..- "KENDALL" he yelled and tackled me in a hug making us both fall of the couch, at the mention of my name carlos, logan and katie came running into the room tripping over each other "what james" said logan and then he noticed me and james on the ground "KENDALL" the other three yelled "GUYS" i yelled back gustavo was right it is better now.i hugged all of them, then james asked "where were you?" i sighed "sit down" i said the all obeyed even my mom and i began by how they ignored me and then to gustavo and kelly, after telling them the story they all had tears in their eyes and they said together "we're sooo sorry" i smiled "it's okay now i got the chance to see this side of gustavo and i know now then life sucks without you guys and katie... big tim." "and" i said turning to my mom "i can't live without you i do need you everywhere in my life" i said remembering an arguement i had with my mom before the guys and katie fell sick

SHORT FLASHBACK

"no mom i don't need you everywhere in my life i can take care of my self" "okay do what you think is best for you but i hope you won't be to late and regret it when you realise that you do need me!"

END OF FLASHBACK

my mom was crying "it's okay sweetie, now you guys go play a videogame or something while i'll make some breakfast".

mrs knight pov

i made pancakes for the guys and katie, and placed them on the table with a glass of juice for all of them then i looked over to the couch and saw the guys and katie playing and argueing who was cheating "YEEEY I WON" katie yelled "NO YOU JUST CHEATED AGAIN" james yelled back "THIS IS A VIDEOGAME HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHEAT YOU IDIOT" "I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DID IT I JUST KNOW THAT YOU DID IT" i smiled i wouldn't give my kids up for anything... yeah that's right the other three guys are my kids too and don't worry i've learned my lesson kendall Always comes first but you got what i mean right? ooh and i'm gonna check the cuts tonight when everybody is sleeping including kendall i'm gonna sneek into his and james' shared bedroom. "guys the pancakes are ready" "YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH' they came running into the kitchen and took their seats i chuckled "one would think you guys haven't eaten in a month" i know kendall hadn't eat much but he did have something every now and then. "mom why do i have ten pancakes on my plate?" i walked over to kendall and stood behind him, i wrapped my arms around his stomach and placed my hands right where his abs are hidden under his shirt "feel this you have lost weight, too much weight" i said "yes but i have gained more muscle, that is weight to" "yes i can feel that" i said he blushed kendall is a verry shy boy especially when it comes to things like this he if possible would go everywhere with his shirt on but i find it really cute seeing my son blush so to make him blush even more i traced the lines of his abs over his shirt, and i was right he was now a verry deep red "why do mom's Always embaress their child?" kendall said i chuckled ruffled his hair and walked to the sink to was the dishes.

kendall's pov

after breakfast the guys and i went to the pool i was asked where i was what had happened and i just told them that everyone but my mom got sick and that my mom didn't want me to catch anything had send me to stay at gustavo's untill everyone was healthy again, they all bought it and believed me, thnk god cause no one needed to know what had really happened, the guys and i bought a smoothie we went for a swim and just relaxed at our favorite spot by the pool we listened to music and the afternoon went like that then it was 18:35pm and we were sitting on the couch when my mom said dinner was ready we all sat and talked about our day and the guys asked for more details about gustavo and still couldn't believe that gustavo had someone like that in him. after dinner i went to the bathroom and yelled "I'M TAIKING A SHOWER" before closing the door i took my clothes off and looked into the mirror and saw the cuts i had, i had cut on the right side of my chest too i stepped under the shower and began to wash myself when i took the blade between my fingers and brought it to under my bellybutton and made three cuts and watched the blood dripping down my belly, i sighed everything was good now but now i still had this problem how am i gonna stop this i asked myself i could ask my mom or the guys for help... no they'll think i'm crazy and now that i have them back i can't loose them now. i stepped out of the shower and dried myself off i put my boxers and grey sweatpants on and a white sleeveless shirt that i had borrowed from james i once again looked in the mirror and lifted my right arm up and looked at the right side of my chest trying to see if you could see a cut but no the white tanktop coverd everything up. i walked to the couch and the guys mom and katie watched a movie together we watched 'finding nemo' when it ended we all except for my mom went to our bedrooms and fell asleep at 23:12.

mrs knight pov

okay so it's 23:47 now and i'm pretty sure everyone is in a deep sleep so quietly checked on katie then carlos and logan and now i went into james and kendall's shared bedroom and saw james with his cuda man spray in his hand i smiled got it out of his hand and placed it on his nightstand then i walked to kendall's bed and sat down next to him he lay on his back one arm under his pillow above his head and the other on his chest i smiled he looked verry comfortable i verry carefully not to wake him and to get caught to the hem of his tank top between my fingers and slowly pushed it up while doing so i couldn't help thinking about how embaressed he would feel if he was awake i don't even think he would let me do it anyway so that's why i do it now maybe i should take a picture caue he would not believe me if i told him but anyway as i had pulled it up his arm on his chest was in the way so i carefully grabbed his arm and laid it next to him then pushed his shirt further up and took it off god how is he still asleep now i would have woken up bt the first touch but whatever i couldn't stop the tears at what i saw the he had two or three more under his bellybutton but what had shocked me the most are the cuts on the right side of his chest cause i hadn't see those in the morning i gently kissed every single cut again you know how mothers get trying to kiss all the pain away like when you fall off a slide when you're 4 years old and your mom kisses your knee and it makes you feel better nut i know that it won't help in this situation but it is my motherly instinct, i started to count the scars by touching them one by one and i counted 19 that is tooo much okay even one is to much but 10 is just, i never want to see that again okay now that i know how many cuts he has i can talk about it to him when the time is right i looked up from the cuts and ran my fingers through his hair again ... yeah i know but it is a habit of mine it just feels so soft and smooth that i cant help my self, watched him sleep for some time then i grabbed his tanktop and carefuly slipped it over his head, his arms and then pulled it down it was a really hot night in LA so i didn't cover him with his blanket, i bent over and kissed him on his forehead then walked out of his room and went straight to mine i laid down on my bed and thought 'i'm gonna help my baby before it's too late i'm gonna make sure of that.

**Done already :) but not for long.**

**please let me know what you think. ;) see you next time xXx.**


	7. Chapter 7

Heey** guys, i'm really sorry for the long wait but i went on a vacation for a month then i had some problems with getting back the inspiration i use to write this, but i'm back now and i'll just shut up now and thank you all for reviewing faving and following AND reading, it means so much to me that you guys are willing to make time to read my story . ENJOY **

**Disclaimer : i don't own btr :'( , but omg have you guys seen kendall OMG that beard is so ... hot, i really don't know what i'm gonna do if i won't ever marry him. (geez i'm talking like i have a chance but anyway read on)**

**xxxxxxx. rana.**

next morning mrs knight pov.

09:16 am beep beep "ugh why do i have an alarm again?" okay so now it's time for me me to make breakfast, wake the guys and katie up and then i'll send the the guys and katie to see a movie or somtething without kendall so that i can talk to him about cutting and how it needs to stop, because i can't have my baby cutting him self. okay i'll make some pancakes, toast , bacon and eggs so everyone can choose what they want, after breakfast was ready i went into katie's room and gently kissed her cheek and shook her shoulder "katie wake up sweetheart" "uggh why? i'm tired" "because i said so, now get your butt out of that bed or else" i said and walked out of her room and straight into logan and carlos's shared bedroom i shook both their shoulders cause they're heavy sleepers "guys wake up" logan woke up but carlos didn't "okay gonna play hard ball again huh?" logan raised hios eyebrows at me and said "who me?" "what? ooh no i was talking to carlos" "yeah but he is asleep" "yeah i know but i was ju-uggh logan, see how hard you let me think on this early morning just go to the kitchen" he nodded and walked away, "carlos i saw a corndo-" i couldn't even finish cause carlos sprung out of his bed and yelled "WHERE?" "you don't even know what i was about to say" i said "who cares i heard you say corndog so that was enough for me " "okay good for you but go to the kitchen breakfast is ready "YEEESSSS FOOOOOODDD I'M COMING WAIT FOR ME MY BABIES" i chuckled and went into my son's and james's room, james was dressed already so he i told him that he could go and join the others in kitchen, i then walked over to kendall's bed and sat down next to him, he lay on his stomach with the right sight of his face on the pillow so that he was facing me i ran my hand through his hair enjoying the view, after watching him for a good 5 minutes i started to massage his shoulder trying to wake him up, he slowly opened his beautiful bright green eyes, "hey baby" "hey"he said back his voice thick with sleep "i wanna talk to you about something later, but first it's time for breakfast" kendall gave me a-what-do-you-want-to-talk-about? look i was just about to tell him that i knew about him cutting but i was interrupted by carlos walking in and sitting on james' bed and he said "i won't leave unless we're leaving together cause if i go to the kitchen without you, then i have to wait longer because you'll probably finish what you were telling kendall before coming to eat". i looked back to kendall "now are you gonna tell me what you want to talk about?" "i don't know if i can tell you here" i said pointing to carlos, "can't you use code words or show me in a way?" i thought for a moment then looked over at carlos who was staring at a poster on the wall, well i can't tell him cause carlos would hear me soo. i looked back at kendall then brought my hand to the hem of his shirt and pushed it a little up so two or three cuts were visible and traced one of them with my finger then i looked back up at kendall and he stared at me in shock as if saying 'OH MY GOD YOU KNOW' i just nodded then pulled the shirt back down so carlos wouldn't see it, "okay carlos let's go eat i said as i raised from the bed and saw carlos running back into the kitchen and kendall still had the shocked expression on his face "let's go baby"i whispered as i walked out of his room and heard him coming after me. "guys here are the tickets for the movie and remember DO NOT let katie fool you and trick you in whatever it is that she may want okay?" "okay" "mrs knight why can't kendall come with us again?" "because i need him for something" "ooh what you wouldnt talk about with me in the room?"carlos asked "uhhm yeah that's why" "ooh okay bye bye kendall bye momma knight" they all said "bye guys bye katie "i said, when the door closed i called kendall over to the couch, he sat as far from me as possible on the couch i sighed and walked over to him so i was closer to him he couldn't take his eyes off of his shoes "kendall" ... nothing "kendall look at me"... again nothing i sighed again i took his chin in my hands and forced him to look up into my eyes "i asked you to look at me"i said "i know" he responded back "baby this has got to stop before it get's worse, i don't wanna lose you it's still my turn to have you and i'm not planning on keeping you for a short time, now you're gonna tell me how many cuts you have so i can be sure that you won't cut anymore, and i will check if you cut or not understand?" i asked him he nodded "i didn;t hear you what did you say?" i asked him "yes" he said "okay how many cuts do you have or anything else?" "19 as far as i can remember" "okay you don't have anything on your back or arms or legs or wherever right?" "no, or actually no CUTS" he told me wait what is that supposed to mean? "what do you mean no cuts?, do you have something else then?" he shrugged "kendall!" ... "KENDALL DONALD KNIGHT YOU TELL ME RIGHT NOWWW!" "okay okay it's only some bruises i still have from where walley hit me it's no big deal" "show me now and who is walley" "i mean wayne wayne, and no i won't show you" "ohh you mean him and i don't have time for being shy kendall, seriously i'm your mother if there is one person you shouldn't be ashamed around then that me, i'm the one who saw you the first when you were born, i'm the one who changed your diappers and should i go on?" he shook his head no "now turn around so i can take a look NOW" i had to hold back a smile that wanted to form itself on my face when kendall turned around really quickly and took his shirt off, i really don't understand why they all are so scared of me i never hit one of them or something else, so i don't get why they're so scared of me but at one point i'm happy about it now. when i looked at his back i gasped softly "ooh gosh and you call this 'no big deal' kendall?" i gently ran my hand over his back as i felt the muscles in his back tense under my touch, i frowned "does it hurt baby" "no, it just burns a bit" "okay lay down on your stomch, i'm gonna get some cremé for that alright" i said to him as i went into my own room to find what i was looking for, after searching for a minute i found it, it's a cooler cremé just like aloe vera after sun but this is not for after the sun but you get my point right?, i walked back over to the couch and sat down next to kendall, i put some creme in my hand and began to smear it over the bruises and after a good 3 minutes i was done, "okay baby you can turn around if you want your back is dry now"i said to kendall he turned around and looked straight into my eyes, he was quiet for some time just staring at me then out of nowhere he hugged me and i wrapped my arms tight around his stil bare back "i missed you sooo much momma" he whispered it was almost impossible to hear him if there were other people in the room but now that it's empty except for us two i could hear him just fine, it brought tears to my eyes "i missed you too baby so much, and please don't ever forget that i love you so so so sooooo much i wouldn't give you or katie up for anything in the world but i would give up the whole world for you and katie." he then let go of me and laid back on the couch, and to lift up the mood again i said "you really don't have to visit the gym anymore for the coming two years"as i slid my hand over his perfect abs, he blushed and grabbed a couch cushion and hid his face in it, yes there it is my sweet baby boy the old kendall who would be ashamed to be seen halfnaked from the waist up especially when it was me who saw him, but i'm pretty sure that he knows that i'm just teasing him "why are you blushing baby?"i asked him as i stopped moving my hand but kept my hand on his belly, he didn't answer me just peeked from under the cushion at me i smiled remembering the times he would do that when he was 6 instead of 16, "no but seriously kendall how many hours have you spend in the gym?" "4 hours each day" my mouth fell open no wonder he is like this. "now baby we have a deal don't we about the cutting?" "yes we do"

short pov kendall

i love my friends and sister but i always have tot ake care of the or help them or when i need their help, i always have to ask and i don't mind that at all but sometimes it's really great and good to have my mom cause she will take care of me no matter what (except for what had happened but i forgave her for that) whenever i forget to take care of myself and fall she will be there to pick me right back up. i love my mom and like she said i wouldn't want to change her for another mother no matter what, even after all that happend cause she only human and she too can make mistakes.

**That's it for now but i promise that it won't take this long for me to update again. see you later. xxxxxxxxx please tell me what you think.**


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